5 Tips for Navigating a High Conflict Divorce

 Posted on June 22, 2020 in Divorce

Most couples aim for an amicable divorce or separation, but some situations seem to breed conflict (i.e. domestic violence, vengeful spouse, child-related issues, etc.). In these scenarios, a peaceful end to your marriage may feel impossible, yet it is still possible to mitigate the issues. Learn how by checking out today’s tips on navigating a high conflict divorce.

1. Minimize Contact (Especially When the Kids Are Around)

One of the fastest and most efficient ways to reduce conflict in your divorce is to minimize contact with your spouse. First, eliminate any unnecessary contact. Do not meet in person if a phone conversation will suffice. Choose not to accept their call if you are busy, hurried, or stressed. Avoid conversations with them around the children. Opt to communicate through email instead of over the phone. Really, just find what works best for you and your situation. Above all, remember that how you speak to (and about) your spouse can either help or harm your children.

2. Set Firm but Loving Boundaries for the Kids

Children and their feelings are often forgotten in the high conflict divorce. Too much focus and attention go into dealing with the issues. However, kids often feel off-center, angry, confused, or sad when their parents split up. If not given the chance to talk about these emotions, they may start to act out. Children may also struggle to follow the rules of two separate households. Choose to do things in a healthy, healing way in your home. Set firm but loving boundaries, and stick to them. Be there for your child, strive to understand why they are struggling, but do not let bad behavior go unnoticed or neglected.

3. Resist the Urge to Confide in or Connect with Your Spouse

It is normal to want to confide in or connect with your spouse. After all, the two of you have likely been through a lot together: buying your first home, raising children, and perhaps even growing older together. Unfortunately, if your spouse is angry or vengeful, trying to connect with or confide in your spouse could be a deadly move. They may try to use your feelings, concerns, and other elements of the discussion against you.

4. Work with Your Attorney to Draft a Highly Specific Parenting Plan

If your spouse is abusive, vengeful, or otherwise problematic, it is critical that you have a seasoned attorney working with you on the parenting plan for your divorce. The reason for this is simple: you need a highly specific document that covers any anticipated issue. Since your lawyer is well-versed in family law issues, they can anticipate far more problems than you might ever consider possible. They can also inform you of what options may be available to you if there are issues involving domestic violence.

5. Focus on What You Can Control

While you will never be able to control your spouse’s behavior, you can control your own. Attempt to do this during every form of communication with your spouse. It might seem unfair to be “the adult,” you might be surprised to find that conflict starts to diminish when your spouse is unable to get a reaction. What is more, you can walk away from the divorce knowing that you were the more mature party and did all that you could to protect yourself and your children.

Contact Our DuPage County Divorce Lawyers

If you are planning for a divorce and anticipate a high conflict situation, contact Davi Law Group, LLC for assistance. Our skilled Wheaton divorce attorneys hold your best interests as a top priority. We will aggressively protect them at every turn. Call 630-657-5052 to schedule your consultation today.

Sources:

https://goodmenproject.com/divorce/10-strategies-for-dealing-with-a-narcissistic-challenging-or-high-conflict-ex-cmtt/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/co-parenting-after-divorce/201309/parallel-parenting-after-divorce