Marriage Lessons Learned Through Divorce

 Posted on November 05, 2014 in Divorce

Going through a divorce can mean different things to different people. Some may see it as a traumatic past event that they want to move beyond and never think of again. Others may see it as a valuable learning experience, taking the opportunity to reflect on what happened in the marriage and applying the lessons to future relationships. Still others undoubtedly lie somewhere in between these two extremes.

Divorce May Show What Makes Marriage Work

The fact of the matter is, while divorce can certainly be a trying experience to endure, there can be many valuable lessons the experience ultimately teaches parties about the concept of marriage. As a recent article from a popular online new source points out, there are a number of things that parties to a divorce can use to gain perspective on what types of things work and do not work in marriage. Those who have been through the process offered their own insight as to what they learned from divorcing, and some of the pieces of advice follow:

• Put more effort and planning into your marriage than you do into your wedding.

• People have some control over their relationship and its success or failure. Marriage takes work, trust of one another, love, honesty, and commitment, among other things. Perhaps the most important is the desire to make the marriage work.

• Make a serious effort to keep your relationship fresh and avoid being complacent in marriage.

• Work on your relationship as a couple before making the decision to have kids. Even after a couple has kids, they should still make a concerted effort to spend quality time together on a regular basis.

• Consider the idea of keeping finances separate from the beginning, and throughout, your marriage.

• Work at communicating about feelings and through conflict, and avoid yelling as a way to work things out.

• Talk openly and in depth about your future goals and ambitions for both your marriage and your life together. This can include living arrangements, how big of a family to have, division of household labor, how you will spend holidays and what role extended family will play in your lives.

• Do not go into the marriage expecting someone else to change or expecting to change for someone else.

• Build a support system. Whether it is made up of family or friends, having one is invaluable to a marriage.

• Work on your relationship constantly, but also work on your independent life as well and have a life outside of your spouse.

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