Preparing Your Child for Divorce in Illinois

 Posted on March 10, 2017 in Divorce

One of the most difficult conversations you may ever have with your child is the announcement that you and your spouse are ending your marriage. Children feel the impact of divorce perhaps as extensively as their parents, and how they react will depend on their age, personality, and unique circumstances. These young people will feel a range of emotions, including sadness, anger, anxiety, and surprise.

If you are divorcing in Illinois and you have decided that the time is right to tell your child, there are a few things you and your spouse can do to help them endure these difficult times.

Initiating the Conversation

When you are certain of most plans, sit your kids down and tell them about your decision to divorce. It is best if both parents are present when breaking the news, so you can present a united front in your determination that divorce is for the best of the family. Practice in advance if possible, because you are better able to anticipate and address your emotions before your children witness them. Expel negative feelings of anger, guilt, or blame when initiating the conversation.

Reassurances on Love, Security, Change

The primary message to convey is that what is happening between you and your spouse is your decision. It is not the child’s fault, even if they may experience of guilt. Explain to children that adults may change in their love for each other, but that does not change how you feel about them.

In addition, your job as a parent is to reassure them of their own security as they transition through the changes involved with divorce. Give them enough information to prepare them for what is to come, such as adjustments to living arrangements and schedules. As part of the discussion, assure them of those aspects of their lives that will not change.

Talk About the Parenting Plan

You and your spouse will be required to submit a parenting plan to cover decision-making responsibilities and parenting time. If your children are appropriate ages, you may want to include them in the conversation. However, make sure they understand that the wishes of minor children are just one of many considerations in determining parenting responsibilities: The primary focus is on their best interests.

An Experienced Attorney Can Help

Your approach to telling your children about your pending divorce has a great impact on how well they transition during the process, and after dissolution of marriage is final. The parenting plan should be part of the conversation, though there may be different factors depending on the age and maturity of your children. The important thing is to make sure they know that their parents will always be there. The passionate DuPage County family law attorneys at Davi Law Group, LLC have assisted many clients with preparing a parenting plan, so please contact us with questions.

Source:

http://www.ilga.gov/legislation/ilcs/ilcs4.asp?ActID=2086&ChapterID=59&SeqStart=8300000&SeqEnd=10000000