How Do I Deal with My Narcissist Spouse During My Divorce?

 Posted on March 12, 2025 in Divorce

Although divorce is rarely easy or simple, some divorces are much more difficult than others. When one spouse has a high-conflict personality – like narcissism – the divorce can become exponentially more difficult for the other spouse, the children, and even the divorce attorneys. While one spouse’s narcissistic behaviors are likely to be at least one component of the decision to divorce, the narcissistic spouse can make divorce just as contentious as marriage.

Narcissists have an overwhelming desire to "win," so they are unlikely to follow any divorce path that requires compromise and often do their best to drag the divorce out as long as possible. If you are married to a narcissist and are contemplating divorce, it is important that you have a Wheaton, IL, divorce lawyer who is experienced in dealing with high-conflict personalities, including narcissists. Your attorney will know what to expect from your narcissistic spouse – and how to counter every tactic in a way that benefits you.  

What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

Although many spouses exhibit clear narcissistic traits, they may or may not have been formally diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder. Since narcissists are extremely good at keeping their true personalities hidden from a love interest, the spouse married to a narcissist was likely blindsided by the entitled, the overwhelming need for attention, and the lack of empathy in the person they expected to spend the rest of their lives with. Just as the "typical" ways of handling marital disagreements are unlikely to work with a narcissistic spouse, a divorce will be much the same. Additional traits of the narcissist include:

• Arrogance
• Monopolizes conversations
• Feels "better than" others and believes that he or she is "special."
• Expects favorable treatment and has an overwhelming sense of entitlement
• Requires constant admiration
•  Belittles those they feel are inferior
• Preoccupied with beauty, power, success, and brilliance
• Self-importance
• Takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
• Highly transactional behaviors with friends and family members
• Is unable or unwilling to identify with the needs and feelings of others
• Envious of others and believe others are equally envious of them
• Extremely deceitful, yet difficult to "catch" in a lie

How Do Narcissistic Personality Traits Impact Divorce?

While many narcissists exude confidence, under the façade, they often have a very fragile self-esteem that can be bruised by the divorce process when each spouse’s conduct may be closely scrutinized. Since a narcissist often believes he or she is "under attack," when this is combined with the rage that simmers right below the surface in many narcissists, the result is gaslighting, manipulation, and subterfuge.

Many narcissists will see a divorce trial as a stage for his or her "performance" in front of the judge. As natural performers and social manipulators, narcissists use gaslighting to trigger a response from others and then exploit this response for his or her own benefit.

A narcissist’s endless appetite for drama can exhaust the other spouse, often causing them to walk away from marital property, spousal support, and even a fair allocation of parental responsibilities simply to get away from the constant stress. A narcissistic parent may believe that his or her role in the child’s life is so important that it justifies behaviors that directly and adversely impact the child.

Narcissistic parents are often the ones who participate in parental alienation, doing their best to convince the child that everything that is happening is the other parent’s fault. Narcissistic parental alienation can be more difficult to identify than alienation that involves plenty of open badmouthing of the other parent.  

Contact a DuPage County, IL Divorce Lawyer

It is crucial that you set realistic expectations when dealing with a narcissistic spouse, especially regarding how long the divorce will take. Equally important is documenting everything involved in your divorce. Contact a Wheaton, IL divorce attorney from Davi Law Group by calling 630-657-5052.