Common Argument Tactic Can Ruin Relationship

 Posted on October 13, 2014 in Divorce

Many factors can lead to the dissolution of a marriage. Sometimes, it may be one event or incident that led to a break up, and other times it may be a pattern of behavior that is endured over a long period of time. A recent article discussed how a common act, giving one another the “silent treatment,” can have possible long-term effects on a relationship.

Argument Weapon

For many couples, using the silent treatment may be a common go-to weapon for use in arguments. However, doing so repeatedly may not only be a sign of deeper issues, but it can also cause further damage to a relationship, even ending in divorce. Choosing not to speak with your partner about issues that are present in your relationship stifles communication in a quite obvious way and also causes those issues to go unaddressed and unresolved.

Some relationship experts say that using this tactic may give one partner a sense of control, but it is also a sign of hurt feelings and an unwillingness to discuss them. In reality, the person refusing to communicate may feel quite out of control and not know what to say when hurt; as a result, the person withdraws from the situation.

Damaging the Relationship

While it may seem easier in the moment to become silent and withdraw from an argument, it is actually one of the worst things that a person can do who still places value on his or her relationship. Instead of using anger to bring about positive change in the relationship and move on, those who employ the silent treatment use their anger in the opposite manner. A researcher conducted 74 studies which included over 14,000 participants, and found that use of the silent treatment is one of the most commonly occurring yet potentially damaging ways to address conflict within a relationship. What is arguably worse is that once established, this pattern of behavior is difficult to break because each partner sees the other’s behavior as initiating an argument.

Despite the prevalence of such behavior, it is important for those who participate in it to address it and refrain from repeating it in the future in order to stop damaging their relationships. Instead, couples should focus on coping skills such as committing to communicate about conflicts that arise and not shutting each other out. It takes work to discuss problems without resorting to argumentative behavior, but doing so benefits each partner and their shared relationship.

Family Law Attorney