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Divorcing Parents’ Guide to Back to School
Summer vacation and a break from school means different things for different families. For some parents who got divorced or made the decision to do so, it may have been a summer of adjustment and even grief. Divorced and divorcing families certainly go through a lot, from changes in finances to emotional challenges. Having navigated these circumstances all summer, and perhaps getting into some sort of comfortable routine, the task of getting kids ready to go back to school may seem more daunting than ever. However, there are some things newly divorced or divorcing parents may want to consider in preparing to send their children back to the classroom.
Strategies
A recent article outlines five strategies that may be useful to employ with children who will be returning to school this year with divorced or divorcing parents in order to make the transition easier for them and to keep them on track during the school year.
Myths Common in Divorce Cases
Some divorce cases, such as those of the very wealthy or those of the celebrity variety, are much more common to be made into news stories and discussed in the media than divorces between regular folks. Interestingly enough, it is often the case that no matter who the parties to the divorce case are, some of the same issues are present in divorce cases across the board, albeit on a different scale. A recent article discussed the high profile divorce case of a super wealthy Chicago couple, busting some divorce case myths along the way. Although the article is written in the context of this specific couple’s divorce case, these myths are present in many divorces, regardless of the splitting couple’s financial status.
Myths Busted
Whether speaking about billionaires or the average middle class couple, divorce cases are often an emotional, stressful time for both parties and their families. Issues arise that may make one party think he or she has an advantage over the other, but in reality, one can never be sure how a divorce case will play out in court. In that same vein, many have preconceived notions of divorce cases and their likely outcome. Consider the following myths and the corresponding realities:
Child Support Collection a Focus in Illinois Community
NOTE: As of July 2017, the law governing child support in Illinois has changed. Please see our Child Support page for more information.
Child support cases often present unfortunate situations. In some matters where there is a complete failure to make child support payments for an extended period of time, the one who truly suffers is the child involved. According to a recent news article, in St. Clair County, the State’s Attorney is focusing funding and efforts on collecting child support payments.
Increased Funding
The State’s Attorney’s office in St. Clair County received a significant increase in funding from the Illinois Department of Healthcare and Family Services, which will enable it to increase efforts in collecting child support payments for the first time in seven years. The increase in funding came after the State’s Attorney’s Office made the argument that St. Clair County most needed the resources in order to enforce child support orders. They argued that this was imperative to the effort of breaking the cycle of poverty and violence in the area.
New Federal Adoption Bill May Be Discriminatory
Many people dream of having children, and the adoption process is an outlet for single people, couples who cannot have their own children, and gay couples to realize that dream. Even couples who may already have children of their own wish to adopt in order to give a loving home to a child who may not otherwise have one. With so many children up for adoption in the United States, and usually not enough homes to place them in, it may be somewhat surprising that federal lawmakers recently introduced a bill that allows foster-care agencies the right to deny services based on religious or moral beliefs.
The Bill
The bill states that it would allow organizations with religious or moral convictions to continue to serve children without having their funding terminated for violating anti-discrimination laws. If they do suffer any adverse action, the bill allows for such organizations to seek declaratory and injunctive relief as well as compensatory damages. In addition to denying funding, other actions that would be considered adverse, according to the bill, include denying a provider’s application for funding, having their funding canceled, refusing to enter into, renew, or canceling a contract with a provider, declining to issue the provider a license or canceling a license, and terminating the provider’s employment, among other things.
Child Visitation Law in Illinois
When the parents of a child are no longer a couple or when their relationship fails, they often have a difficult time reaching an agreement when it comes to custody of any children they have together. Of course, many factors can contribute to the breakdown of a family unit, whether marriage was involved or not. When a couple no longer has romantic feelings in common, but still have a child in common, conflicting opinions may cause issues to quickly arise. When these parents cannot come to an agreement about child custody, the law in Illinois steps in to set a schedule for child visitation.
Visitation Rights
Absent extreme circumstances where a parent may have his or her rights terminated by a judge, every parent has reasonable rights of visitation with regards to their children. If a parent is being denied visitation with their children, he or she has the right to take the matter to court in Illinois and have the case heard before a judge. It is important to note that other family members, including grandparents, do not have the same rights to visitation according to Illinois law, although they, too, may be granted visitation by a judge under certain circumstances.
What Role Does Adultery Play in Illinois Divorce Law?
January 1, 2016 Update: The Illinois Marriage and Dissolution of Marriage Act (IMDMA) underwent some significant changes. Removal of the at-fault divorce, such as the heart balm provision used in divorces involving adultery, was one of those changes. This essentially means that, while still emotionally painful, adultery holds no legal implications in divorce.
Unfortunately, it is an all-too-common scenario where one spouse engages in a romantic relationship outside his or her marriage. In situations such as these, the act of adultery not only severely compromises the relationship between spouses, but also has a significant chance of altering the relationship between a parent and any children of the marriage, as well.
Because of the negative emotional toll cheating has on the entire family, it is perhaps not surprising that acts of adultery play a role in many divorces. However, just because adultery may have led a couple to divorce, it is not necessarily telling of how adultery will affect the legal process of divorce proceedings.
Beyond Financial Considerations for Divorcing Retirees
A divorcing couple’s finances are often one of the largest issues to be addressed by their lawyers and a judge in court. It is usually assumed that the spouse who benefits from a financial award has prevailed. However, a financial article recently suggested that other factors may be more important than money in a divorce, especially for retirees and those about to retire.
Lasting Effects
The repercussions of a decision in a divorce case last far beyond the end of the case, and can even be felt years down the road. Retirement plans made by a couple when they were married can be completely upheaved when they divorce, leaving two single people to make new plans for retirement. Items of property that were assigned to one side over another may be difficult to sell, or may be only of sentimental value. Other non-financial factors, such as family visitation, are also important, despite the lack of financial value.
Cohabitation with Kids: Worse than Divorce?
With more and more family units in America cohabiting before or even in lieu of marriage, some are wondering about the effects that choice has on children of cohabiting couples. A Washington Post article criticized the practice, saying that cohabitation has replaced divorce as the biggest source of instability for families in America. Opponents of the practice maintain that the practice is a big issue for American families.
Increase in Popularity
The practice of cohabitation became increasingly popular in America in the 1970s, either before or as an alternative to marriage. In the early 1990s and leading up to now, cohabitation has become a commonplace venue within which to have and raise children. A report published in 2011 found that children were more likely to experience cohabitation than a divorce between their parents.
Advice for Parents of a Divorcing Child
Many cases of divorce usually involve concern about any children who may be involved. Usually, this feeling is aimed at the children of the divorcing couple whose parents have decided to end their marriage. However, consider sympathy for children involved in divorce from another angle: parents’ concern for the welfare of their adult child who is divorcing. A recent medical article gives parents advice on what they can do to support their adult child whose marriage is ending.
Parents of a Divorcing Couple
With so much focus usually on the couple who is divorcing and their children, it is often easy to overlook the emotions of the parents of the divorcing couple. However, their concern, and even fear, about the situation is understandable and should be expected. They often mourn the loss of the marriage and may be anxious about the potential of their relationship with their grandchildren to be changed by relocation or custody orders. Many parents of divorcing couples struggle with these and other emotions, including confusion, disbelief, and sadness.
New Views on “Blended” Families
Over the years, many stereotypes have arisen about stepfamilies. From tales involving evil stepmothers to television shows depicting the perfect mix of complementary stepsiblings, it seems the public portrayal of blended families may have experienced a shift in our culture. A recent article suggests that the idea of the perfect blended family is unrealistic and that stepfamilies should be viewed in a more realistic, and less traditional, sense.
Outdated Terms
The author of the article suggests terms such as “broken family,” “co-wives,” and “blended family” are not only outdated, but in many ways, offensive. These terms promote inaccurate views of divorce, suggest strange versions of relationships, and imply ignorance about the reality of stepfamily life. All of these presuppositions, the author says, contribute to unrealistic expectation of family life and result in divorce in many cases.
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